Kim Kardashian has 22 million followers on Instagram.
In fact, she has more followers than the entire population of
Scandinavia. In November, she tried to "break the Internet" with her
provocative nude pictures.
As a child psychiatrist
and mother of three, I am not shocked by the exhibitionism or desire for
publicity at all costs. I am struck by the disconnect between what
educators and policy makers are saying about growing up in the digital
world and the reality of popular culture.
I am also reminded that
parents are far too ambivalent about so called "privacy" online. We tell
our kids not to share personal information or sext, yet our tweens and
teens roll their eyes at us because sexting and over-sharing (a la Kim
Kardashian) is ubiquitous.
The American Academy of
Pediatrics has taken a strong stance on no screen time before the age of
2 and less than 2 hours of screen for older kids. This is a far cry
from the reality in which tweens and teenagers can average over 8 hours a
day.
Most parents are
inundated with the message that they should limit screen time at all
costs and take away the phone if their teens and tweens misbehave. But
removing devices from the equation temporarily does little to address
the issue.
The Atlantic magazine
reported on a high school sexting scandal so rampant that the police had
to stop interviewing teenagers due to concern that they would end up
confiscating the majority cell phones belonging to teens in the county.
We either "respect" our
children's privacy and have no clue about what they are doing online or
we act cowardly by "spying" on them, which only creates a foundation of
mistrust to build upon.
Up until now, digital
immigrants (that is all of us born before the Internet explosion) have
espoused a dialogue of fear. We worry that the Internet is rotting our
children's brains and destroying any chance of developing empathy or
relationships.
Rule 101 of child
psychiatry, is that children can smell fear and ambivalence. Children
take their cues from their parents' behavior and reactions. Parents'
fear of too much screen time is valid but outdated and not useful in
carving out a thoughtful road map.
I recently attended a
talk with Sherry Turkle, author of "Together Alone" and an insightful
MIT researcher on how technology is pulling us apart. She spoke about
research indicating that empathy must be developed with face-to-face
interactions, not with devices. This is undeniably true, but I feel that
we should give parents more credit. We get that empathy is best
cultivated with face-to-face interactions and experiences. However, kids
spend more time on their devices than sleeping, eating or going to
school.
Isn't a more useful
research question, "How can we help kids to use their devices to
cultivate empathy?" In truth, kids can use their devices to be kind,
creative, closer and even more empathetic. We need to stop taking away
the phone so much and start teaching tweens and teens how to responsibly
use and thoughtfully live with their phones.
Parents, researchers and
educators are beginning to get the message about flexibility and fear
but we have a way to go in understanding identity and privacy. Zero to
Three, a nonprofit organization, published a guide titled "Screen Sense:
Setting the Record Straight." It stresses that human interaction and
play are critical to development but screen time that is interactive and
cooperative also has its benefits.
Leaders in the field are
urging the American Academy of Pediatrics to make the distinction
between passive TV and interactive apps and games. Educators are
publishing guides on how to make technology a tool for teaching and
learning. We are finally catching up with our toddlers. There will be
screen time and hopefully it will be limited, thoughtfully chosen,
interactive and collaborative.
So how can Kim Kardashian help guide parents of older children?
Kim is an adult who has
charted a purposeful -- and arguably successful -- course online. A
child's digital footprint starts at birth and parents are now
responsible for their children's growth and development offline and
online. There needs to be a dialogue at home and at school about online
celebrity. Being famous carries a lot of weight and parents need to
discuss online overexposure. What is the cost of 5 minutes of "Facebook
Fame"? The goal should be to earn fame for a worthy accomplishment, not
fame for fame's sake.
Children as young as 8
need to understand what and how to share and that they will be judged by
their choices both offline and online. Secondly, parents will have to
monitor their tween or teen's growth online just like they would offline
with full transparency.
That means no spying!!
The goal of "monitoring" is not simply to manage our children's online
portfolio, but to cultivate online resilience. We all agree that
resilience, more popularly called "grit," is a key component to success
and happiness in adult life. Our children must metaphorically "skin
their knees" online.
We must be there to
apply a Band-Aid and guide them to safety next time. We don't take away a
5-year-old's bike when they fall off of it. Instead, we encourage them
to get right back on, face their fears and develop the balance and
coordination needed for success.
When parenting online,
we must monitor our kids so we can identify when they make small
mistakes. We need to tell them when they post a mean comment or send a
slightly inappropriate picture. Kids' online identity is a window into
their real identity. Understanding how your daughter chooses a selfie
may give you valuable information into her body image issues. By reading
your son's blog, you may better understand his frustrations and
anxieties.
Don't send your teens
off alone into their rooms to play games, develop avatars and create new
personas. Parents must be present so they can provide alternatives to
how Kim Kardashian presents herself online. Teenagers must learn to
reveal their true but "best self" online without being too revealing.
Source:http://edition.cnn.com/2014/12/23/living/feat-internet-rules-teens-tweens-jodi-gold/index.html
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